Sarah's Crazy Oil Change...

At 2:30 pm I went to get my oil changed at my favourite car place, formerly Priority Auto and Tire (it's Arizona something or other now). Apparently, Jeff sold it to the other owner, so he's no longer there. Sad. I miss Jeff. Anyways, I was in a mega-hurry because I had been scheduled to go to school to do research at 3:30. I had told Dr. Lee about my oil change appointment at 2:30, but she scheduled me for that time anyways. So I guess I shouldn't have felt that bad, but I was really anxious. As always, because I'm always late. Whatever. Anyways, the hour I spent at the car place was the most entertaining hour I've spent anywhere...in a while, at least. These two guys, one skinny and bald and all dressed up and one fat and sweaty and dressed way down, were waiting for their vehicle. I think the Fat Guy owned some chauffeur business, and Skinny Guy worked for him as a driver. I was listening to Mapples, but Skinny Guy kept talking to me anyways. First he picked up a magazine with a picture of a lizard on it, and he asked me if I thought it was beautiful. Then Fat Guy said something I couldn't hear because I was LISTENING TO MAPPLES, and I said "yes" in response to the question I did hear. Then they started laughing. So...I took out an earphone, and apparently the question I had said yes to was whether or not the lizard looked like Skinny Guy. Oops. They stopped talking to me, so I put my earphone back in. Then Skinny Guy asked Front Desk Jerry for a fork...to eat his muffin. Yeah. He then proceded to eat the muffin with the fork and was commenting on how Fat Guy just had a quadruple bypass at 54 years old, so he couldn't have the muffin, which was a chocolate chip muffin. There were several other times that I had to take the earphone out because they were talking to me, but I can't remember in which order the conversations went. So here are just some of the things I learned about the two guys FROM the two guys:

1. Skinny Guy is like Felix from the ODD COUPLE, told to me by Fat Guy when the other one went outside.
2. Fat Guy is like Oscar from the ODD COUPLE, told to me by Skinny Guy when the other one went to the bathroom.
3. Skinny Guy lived in Hawaii, and there are no snakes there, but plenty of mongooses.
4. Skinny Guy was born in Connecticut, but he hasn't been there in 30 something years.
5. Skinny Guy can't get over his ex even though everyone tells him to but what do they know? They're not the ones that have to get over her. He'll get over her when he's good and ready.
6. Fat Guy sits by his pool with his "boom box" and beer in the middle of the day. Skinny Guy was very concerned that he did this during the hottest part of the day and not at 6 am, when it is cooler.
7. Fat Guy takes a lot of pills, told to me by Skinny Guy.
8. Fat Guy doesn't take that many pills, told to me by Fat Guy.
9. Fat Guy shouldn't sit in the non-air conditioned room because he just had heart surgery, said Skinny Guy.
10. Skinny Guy needs to go home and shine his shoes every time he gets a scuff. You'd think he's gay, but he's not gay. He LOVES women, said Fat Guy.

Yeah, that's just the tip of the iceberg, really. It was fun X's for me. Then Skinny Guy ran into some guy he knew, and they had a conversation about a mutual friend. Apparently Mutual Friend's girlfriend doesn't like Skinny Guy's acquaintance because you know how Mutual Friend picks girlfriends. Acquaintance said, "He doesn't date them if they don't have (slightly whispered) DD's..." At this point, I look uncomfortably to the side. They all apologize for being guys and take the time to swear to me that they are trying to be P.C. Whatever. I'm more concerned about DD women being discriminated against than I am about being exposed to guy talk in general. The only thing that I felt really bad about was the numberous comments Skinny Guy made about Fat Guy's health. Come on, Dude. We can all see that he's fat...why you gotta make him feel worse in front of strangers. I don't think that was Skinny Guy's intent, but still.

I was trying to rush through my checkout at the garage because I was already 20 min late for my research appt. I actually had to say, "I'm really, really late for something right now" while he was checking me out because Jerry kept dicking around instead of swiping my credit card. Then one of the mechanics from the garage came in and was bitching about how rude Skinny Guy (who was outside by now) was. I was like, "He's REALLY skinny. And he makes me laugh, so whatever." Then Mexican Mechanic, who I would totally do by the way, laughed. Aw. There's another mechanic there I would totally do, also. I love mechanics.